What The Heck Is? Gaslighting
Let’s continue with our series “What The Heck Is?” Today, we are going to focus on a term that gets used a lot these days but is not always fully understood: gaslighting.
I had heard the term before, but I did not become truly curious about it until my husband left me. Since then, I have done a lot of research, and what I found was both eye-opening and unsettling. Gaslighting is far more common than most people realize, and it can show up in just about any type of relationship. One of the places where it appears most frequently is in marriages, particularly where a narcissistic partner is involved.
So, What Exactly Is Gaslighting?
According to Newport Institute, gaslighting is defined as:
“A form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.”
In simpler terms, gaslighting is when someone consistently makes you question what you know to be true. It is not an accident, and it is not just a bad communication style. It is a deliberate pattern designed to keep you off balance.
How Does It Happen? The Common Techniques
NBC News outlines several tactics that gaslighters commonly use. If any of these sound familiar to you, pay attention.
- Withholding: The abuser refuses to listen or claims they do not understand, shutting down any real conversation.
- Countering: They question your memory of events, even ones you clearly remember, making you doubt your own recollection.
- Blocking and Diverting: They change the subject, dismiss your concerns, or turn the conversation back around on you.
- Trivializing: Your feelings and needs are made to seem small, dramatic, or unimportant.
- Forgetting and Denial: They pretend not to remember what happened or deny things they previously said or agreed to.
If you find yourself constantly second-guessing your memory or wondering if you are “too sensitive,” that is worth taking seriously.
What Does It Do to a Person?
According to Very Well Mind, the effects of sustained gaslighting are significant:
“Gaslighting is usually performed over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories. This can lead to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, and uncertainty of one’s mental stability. A common result of this is a dependency on the perpetrator.”
Being gaslighted can make you feel like you are losing your mind. That feeling is real, and it is not your fault. It is the intended result of this kind of manipulation.
What Can You Do?
Knowledge is one of the most powerful tools you have. When you can name what is happening to you, it begins to lose some of its power. A few things that can help:
- Research it. The more you understand gaslighting, the harder it becomes to be fooled by it.
- Talk to someone you trust. Gaslighting thrives in isolation. Having a person in your corner who can reflect reality back to you matters more than you might think.
- Seek counseling. A good therapist can help you sort through what is real, rebuild your confidence, and create a path forward.
If you think you may be in this situation, please do not stay silent. You are not crazy. You are not too sensitive. You deserve to feel grounded in your own reality.
God Bless You On Your Journey,
KatheyV