How long does it really take to heal from the end of a long-term marriage? Well, the answer varies depending on who you ask.
Divorce is tough—especially when it’s not what you wanted. After 37 years of marriage, going through that kind of ending was the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. Healing is a long and often confusing journey, and I know some people might think, “Just get over it.” If only it were that simple.
Here I am, wondering how long it typically takes to recover from a divorce. My journey began in 2013 when I first learned he was leaving, even though the divorce wasn’t finalized until 2017. That’s over 10 years ago now. While I recovered fairly quickly from the person himself, the scars left behind—the end of our marriage and our family—still linger, and that’s where the real pain remains.
The first article I came across was from Regain Us, which mentioned that “most psychologists and therapists’ general rule of thumb is one year of healing and recovery for every five to seven years of marriage.” By that estimate, I should have been fully recovered by now and doing my happy dance after 7.4 years. But that hasn’t been my reality. The aftermath of divorce leaves deep scars that don’t always heal easily or quickly—if seven years can even be considered quick.
The second article I found was on a site called SAS For Women, titled How Long Does it Take to Get Over a Divorce? They mention two possible time frames: one study suggests 18 months, which definitely doesn’t ring true for me. Then there’s the saying that it takes half the time you spent together to truly move on. That idea feels pretty overwhelming—it would mean it could take me 17-18 years to heal. I’m determined to prove that wrong and fight for my own path to recovery.
I believe the time it takes to heal varies greatly depending on the situation and the individuals involved. Financial circumstances often play a big role too. In many “grey divorces,” where a spouse may be left with little money and no established career, starting over can be especially challenging, particularly later in life.
Two factors mentioned in the article really stood out to me as possible reasons why healing can take longer: the length of the marriage and the element of surprise. Unfortunately, both hit close to home—I was married for 37 years and had no idea my husband was leaving. He’d been meeting with an attorney without my knowledge. While many of the other factors they listed applied to my situation, those two were the most significant for me.
The time it takes to recover from a divorce varies widely, and realistically, no one can say for sure how long healing will take due to the many factors involved. Accepting the uncertainty around recovery timelines, I’m embarking on a search for ways to speed up the healing process. My hope is to discover strategies that help us move beyond the pain more quickly, and I’ll be sharing what I learn along the way.
Looking ahead, I carry joy in my life along with peace and hope for the future. Finding our way on this journey is a daily, continual process, with new lessons to learn every day. I hope my story encourages others to embrace their own path with confidence, knowing that healing and brighter days are within reach.
Don’t give up, keep fighting, and you will find yourself again.
God Bless You On Your Journey!
KathieyV