Beware The Narcissist!
What is a Covert Narcissist?
Divorce often reveals harsh truths, including the painful reality that some people find themselves involved with a narcissist. Many people are unaware of what narcissistic behavior looks like, especially the subtle signs of the covert narcissist, whose manipulation can go unnoticed for a long time. That’s why I’ve created the Beware The Narcissist series: to raise awareness of both obvious and hidden narcissistic traits. Understanding these behaviors can empower all of us to identify and avoid toxic relationships, protecting our well-being. Today, let’s take a closer look at the covert narcissist.
According to Positive Reset a covert narcissist is…
“Covert narcissistic personality disorder, also known as vulnerable narcissism or closet narcissism, is a psychological condition where individuals exhibit narcissistic traits in a more hidden and secretive manner. Unlike overt narcissists who openly display their sense of superiority, covert narcissists tend to mask their grandiosity behind a facade of humility, shyness, and even self-pity.“
Covert and overt narcissists share the same core traits—a deep need for admiration and a profound lack of empathy—but they go about fulfilling these desires in different ways. Overt narcissists are the obvious, loud, and arrogant personalities craving constant attention. Covert narcissists, while quieter and more introverted, are no less driven by control and validation; they often disguise their superiority behind a facade of vulnerability, making their manipulation more insidious. Both types seek the same power and influence, but covert narcissists do so with subtlety that can be harder to detect, making their impact on relationships just as damaging.
Traits of a Covert Narcissist may include…
- A victim mentality
- Blaming and belittling others and never themselves
- Envious of others
- Secret sense of superiortiy
- Grandiose fantasies
- Demand attention
- Sense of entitlement
- Lack of empathy
- Manipulative
- A need for admiration
- Passive-aggressive
- Gaslights
- Conducts smear campaigns on others
Possible Causes of Covert Narcissism
- Genetics
- Parenting Style (constantly praised and rewarded without any negative consequences)
- Childhood Trauma
- Cultural Factors
- Personality Factors
Spotting a covert narcissist can be challenging because their behavior is often subtle and passive-aggressive, rather than overtly flashy. Watch for signs like hypersensitivity to criticism, playing the victim, passive-aggressive communication, and subtle manipulation tactics such as gaslighting. They may appear shy or self-deprecating, masking their lack of empathy and sense of entitlement. Narcissists are inherently “odd” in the way they think, act, and relate to others. Deep down, you might sense something is off, even if it’s hard to put your finger on it.
Many of us either have encountered or will encounter a narcissist at some point in our lives. Regardless of the type, it’s crucial to be aware of their presence so we can safeguard ourselves from the harm they might cause. Staying informed and vigilant helps us protect our peace and enjoy life fully, without becoming a victim. Remember, awareness is your best defense.
God Bless You On Your Journey!
KathieyV