The typical narcissist is a perpetual victim, at least in their own eyes. Narcissists live and die by their own version of the truth—believing it fully, even when reality has been distorted. While they may genuinely feel wronged, this perceived victimhood also serves as a calculated strategy to manipulate others, avoid responsibility for their harmful behavior, and maintain control. By playing the blame game and positioning themselves as the injured party, narcissists attract attention and sidestep accountability. Let’s take a closer look at this unshakeable victim mindset and the motivations behind it.
There are many reasons a narcissist adopts the victim role. Victimhood serves as a powerful form of blame-shifting, allowing the ego to stay intact by placing fault on others or the world. In some cases, it also attracts validation from those who want to rescue or support them. By portraying themselves as the injured party, they deflect attention from their own harmful actions and manipulate others into feeling guilty for questioning them.
- Self-Pity — Self-pity is a common manipulative tactic used by narcissists to draw sympathy and attention. They often exaggerate their difficulties, hardships, or even small frustrations to evoke concern and gain emotional support. This sympathy acts as a form of narcissistic supply, boosting their inflated sense of self-importance and feeding their craving for admiration.
- Blame Shifting — Narcissists often use blame-shifting and projection as ways to avoid taking responsibility and to manipulate others. Blame-shifting means deflecting fault onto someone else to escape criticism or admitting mistakes. Because narcissists struggle to accept any fault, they twist situations to make you feel responsible for problems they caused. While most people find it hard to accept blame, for narcissists it’s nearly impossible. They live in a fantasy where they are perfect and superior, so admitting wrongdoing would threaten their very self-image.
- Lack of Accountability — Narcissists almost never accept responsibility for their actions. Beneath their grandiose and superior exterior lies a fragile sense of self that cannot bear admitting fault without feeling shattered. This refusal to own up is a major red flag for narcissistic abuse. It’s not merely about avoiding blame—it’s about controlling the story to maintain power and emotional control over their target.
- Chronic Negativity — Narcissists often use negativity as a tool to manipulate and control those around them. By constantly complaining, criticizing, or pointing out faults, they divert attention from themselves and shift it onto others, creating chaos and drama. This negative outlook serves to make others appear flawed, allowing the narcissist to present themselves as the positive or superior party.
These tactics can be used to achieve narcissistic supply—the emotional nourishment narcissists rely on to maintain their self-esteem and sense of worth. Through behaviors like blame-shifting, playing the victim, and chronic negativity, they seek to control others, protect their fragile ego, and uphold their sense of superiority. These actions also attract attention and serve as tools to manipulate and dominate their targets.
From what I’ve read about narcissism, it’s clear that the complex mindset behind it may never be fully understood. The tactics narcissists use—from blame-shifting to playing the victim—all serve to feed their need for control and validation. These behaviors can be confusing and painful to witness, but recognizing them is the first step in protecting ourselves and setting healthy boundaries. While many of us may never encounter a narcissist, for some navigating divorce, dealing with one is a reality. Whether or not a narcissist is part of your story, understanding these behaviors is essential to spotting red flags and approaching relationships with greater awareness and strength.
God Bless You On This Journey!
KathieyV