The Pain, The Journey, The Joy…Destruction of Families- The Beginning

FYI- This was written several years ago during “The Beginning”.

As you know, I am always reading articles on separation and divorce.  From the initial pain that leaves one in despair to writings on hope and healing. Some of the readings display feelings of hopelessness while others are filled with steps to recovery and happiness.

I found this first article on Huff post it is regarding the people who break up marriages and families to be together.  This is the case in the relationship my X is in now.  I have no contact with my X the only reason I know they remain together is that during prayer time with my Grandson last night we prayed for Papa and I will call her “Tina.”

I know a lot about Tina.  I have spent many hours talking with the husband she left behind. Nice guy.  (He spoke of suing my husband for alienation of affection.  I wish he would have.  I would have testified.)  They have two beautiful young daughters caught up in this mess.  Another broken family. Very sad.

I remain amazed at what I feel, is the total selfishness of people who destroy families.  No regard for who they hurt from the spouse they promised to love and cherish to the children now in a divided family and the confusion this causes in their lives, down to the grandchildren. Great legacy to leave behind.

I like the quote below by Jennifer Ball…..

“Aren’t these people, the ones who put on their hardhats and get down to the dirty business of helping dismantle marriages, aren’t they the most faithful among us? They truly believe in a higher power. They believe that they are immune to the plague which took down the relationship before them.  They believe it’s not going to happen to them. They believe in it, with such a fervent heat, that they start brand new, shiny lives with the ones who so casually disregarded their previous ones.

But really…it’s those hopeful, determined souls who knowingly build a house upon a rotted, unstable foundation who are the brave ones, isn’t it? Oh, the trust they have in their partners-in-crime. It would be admirable if they weren’t such unscrupulous people. If they weren’t the harbingers of so much breakage and ruin and mess.”

Jennifer Ball

This got me thinking about how many affair driven relationships actually survive.  I found this statistic from an article by Alec Wilson

“When people leave their marriage for their affair, 

the new relationship rarely survives (3 to 7% survive)”

He also said….

“Affairs most commonly occur with people who are seen regularly—at work or in the social circle.”

Alec Wilson

His last comment has proven true.  On the advice of my attorney, I hired a PI.  The PI found X dating two women.  Both were employed at the same company where X worked.

Let’s go back in time to when he pastored a church.  I have been informed by the husband of a woman employed by the church for the nearly 18 years we were there, that there was a relationship between his wife and my X.  He told me it was difficult, but they have been able to reconstruct their marriage.  I am glad for that.

The Pain, The Journey, and The Joy

The Pain: the realization that you have been lied to and deceived.

The Journey:The knowledge of a pattern that, I assume, would be difficult to break.

                         The start of a healthier life, for me.

The Joy: My faith, my family that remains, and the peace in my home.

If you are going through this hang in there.

Hold onto your faith, your family and your friends

God Bless


UPDATE: When I wrote this several years ago my X was with “Tina”.  Well, that relationship dissolved and he is now married to a very nice lady I will call “Lanna”.  I hope he remains faithful to her.