My Thoughts on Divorce in the Media “Grace and Frankie”

I started watching this show in 2016 and then I just stopped.  I don’t think I was totally ready for it because the hurt was still strong and raw.  I am ready now, and I thought I will slowly watch the show in its 6-year entirety and share my thoughts on the episodes as we go along.  I am going to read through what I wrote in 2016 and tweak it a bit based on how my views have evolved.

I find myself relating to the TV show Grace and Frankie.  I am nearly in my 60’s and my husband of 37 years just up and left.  There was no warning to me that this was his intention until he had already consulted with an attorney and was planning his escape. It was a bit like that for Grace and Frankie too.  I am going to watch the series and pull out quotes, situations, and emotions to which I can identify.  Here is a description of the show that I found online.

“Two married women in their 60’s are shocked when they find out that their husbands are leaving them, but even more shocked out to find the reason why; they are gay and in love with each other! Now, Grace and Frankie have to figure out how to deal with their lives now and how to move on in this original comedy series from Netflix.”

These two “men” had been cheating on their wives, with each other for over 20 years.  Of course, they could rationalize this by making excuses that they were never happy and neither was the now shocked wife.  They would say things like “change is a good thing” in an attempt to sugarcoat their actions.

My question is why the lies and the deceit?  If the “man” was honest from the start everyone could have the opportunity to start over.  Instead, they waited until the twilight years to leave their partners alone and devastated.  To me, this is unethical, selfish, and weak.

There is mention of the hidden lives of the male characters in this show.  I can relate.  I have had conversations with the spouses of two women that were seeing my husband.  They, like me, had no idea what was going on, what was hidden.  One of the men said to me that on one particular day that “the scales fell from my eyes and I knew.” Extremely sad.  Not a proud legacy to leave behind.

There is one quote that I have heard often which was also voiced in this episode. In relation to the lies and deceit of her cheating husband Grace said “It would have been easier if you died”. I understand that. It is not that you are wishing they would have died, it just would have been easier. Death would have been hard and the wound would have cut deep but it would not have been an intentionally inflicted wound with little regard to how it would harm or devastate another person. I call it…

Divorce is like a death but with intent.”

KathieyV

This show is not all pain and lies.  There is a lot of humor.  I love Lily Tomlin’s character.  She is a hippy at heart and does her best to enjoy her life.  I love the scene where she and Jane Fonda get hight on muscle relaxants and Peyote.  Very funny!

Of the two men I can’t stand Robert, he is arrogant and unaffected by the damages he causes to others.  He reminds me of my Ex.  Sol, the other spouse at least seems to have a caring soul.

(In conclusion, I think I want some Peyote:-)

God Bless

KathieyV