My Thoughts on an Article, Being Alone After Divorce

I was reading an article the other day on a site called Divorce Girl Smiling.  The article was titled Being Alone After Divorce, Why It’s Ok, and Tips on How to Enjoy It.  I thought I would read the post and see if this has been true in my divorce experience. 

How well I remember the intense feeling of fear, confusion, and loneliness that I felt when my husband walked out.  I did not know how I would survive or if I could survive.  Fast forward eight years, and I can tell you I did survive, and I am happily living my life.  There are still challenges, and the road is not always smooth, but I am enjoying my life on my own terms.Let’s take a look at her tips on how to be alone after divorce. I will share a few of her tips and how they related to my life during the divorce process and beyond.
“Stop Worrying About Being Alone.”
     *I don’t think I focused on worry about being alone, although I did feel as if I was alone.  I agree with the author you can’t worry about being alone.  My mom used to say worry does not help anything.  She was right, although I do think worry can push us to realize our fears and help us move forward.  I think you can become stuck in a worry mode and replay this worry over and over in your minds, and then it could become destructive.   All that being said, I decided to try to enjoy my life living alone.  I think it is a mindset that we can develop.
“Get a hobby or develop yours more.”     *I do agree with her here.  Developing some type of hobby is important.  A hobby or some other healthy distraction can help us begin to recover.  Initially, the problem for me was that I lost all interest in everything that used to bring me joy. I was too sad to cook, read, and practice photography, all things I did on nearly a daily basis before my husband left.  I did begin to force myself to do what I used to love, and slowly over time, the joy I had found in those activities returned. 
“Never say no to plans.”     *For the most part, I agree with this.  In the early days of what I call my nightmare, I kept as busy as I could.  I would accept every invitation, I joined local Meetup groups, and I was active in my church.  In doing all these activities, I found support, friendship, and distraction from the emotional pain.      I would say “no” to some invitations that were outside of my comfort zone but everything else I responded to with an emphatic “yes.”      Today all these years later, I still force myself out.  I know I need to be around other people and enjoy new experiences.  During the COVID lockdowns, I felt I regressed a bit, but I am back at it.  I am in hiking groups, dinner groups, and whatever else I can find.
“Start having people over.”     *This will be a challenge for me, but I know it would be healthy to start having people over.  During Covid, this was a no-no, but now with the immunizations available, it is something I need to start thinking about. I met a couple of very nice ladies at a Meetup the other day who are also going through a divorce.  Maybe I should have them over for wine. 
Check out her post for her other tips.  I thought this was an excellent article and that it can help others going through a divorce.  
Don’t give up, even if it means taking baby steps.  Slowly you will become whole again.
God Bless,KathieyV