I was reading an article on a site called Divorce Girl Smiling the other day. The article was titled Being Alone After Divorce, Why It’s Ok, and Tips on How to Enjoy It. I wanted to read the post and see if this has been true in my divorce experience.
How well, I remember the intense feeling of fear, confusion, and loneliness that I felt when my husband walked out. I did not know how I would survive or if I could survive. Fast forward ten years, and I can tell you I survived and am happily living my life. There are still challenges, and the road is not always smooth, but I am enjoying my life on my own terms.
Let’s take a look at her tips on how to be alone after divorce. I will share a few of her tips and how they related to my life during the divorce process and beyond.
“Stop Worrying About Being Alone.”
*I don’t focus on or worry about being alone, although I did feel as if I was alone. I agree with the author you can’t worry about being alone. My mom used to say worry does not help anything. She was right, although worry can push us to realize our fears and help us move forward. You can become stuck in a worry mode and replay this over and over in your mind, and then it could become destructive. That said, I decided to try to enjoy my life alone. It is a mindset that we can develop.
“Get a hobby or develop yours more.”
*I do agree with her here. Developing some type of hobby is essential. A hobby or some other healthy distraction can help us begin to recover. Initially, the problem for me was that I lost all interest in everything that used to bring me joy. I was too sad to cook, read, and practice photography, all things I did on nearly a daily basis before my husband left. I did begin to force myself to do what I used to love, and slowly over time, the joy I had found in those activities returned.
“Never say no to plans.”
*For the most part, I agree with this. In the early days of what I call my nightmare, I kept as busy as I could. I would accept every invitation, I joined local Meetup groups, and I was active in my church. In doing all these activities, I found support, friendship, and distraction from the emotional pain. I would say “no” to some invitations that were outside of my comfort zone, but for everything else, I responded with an emphatic “yes.” Today all these years later, I still force myself out. I need to be around other people and enjoy new experiences. During the COVID lockdowns, I regressed a bit, but I am back at it. I am in hiking groups, dinner groups, and whatever else I can find.
“Start having people over.”
*This will be a challenge, but it would be healthy to start having people over. During Covid, this was a no-no, but now I need to start thinking about it. I met a couple of very lovely ladies at a Meetup the other day who are also going through a divorce. I should have them over for wine.
Check out her post for her other tips. This article is excellent; it can help others going through a divorce.
Don’t give up, even if it means taking baby steps. Slowly you will become whole again.