I was reading an article the other day on a site called Divorce Girl Smiling. The article was titled Being Alone After Divorce, Why It’s Ok, and Tips on How to Enjoy It. I thought I would read the post and see if this has been true in my divorce experience.
How well I remember the intense feeling of fear, confusion, and loneliness that I felt when my husband walked out. I did not know how I would survive or if I could survive. Fast forward eight years, and I can tell you I did survive, and I am happily living my life. There are still challenges, and the road is not always smooth, but I am enjoying my life on my own terms.Let’s take a look at her tips on how to be alone after divorce. I will share a few of her tips and how they related to my life during the divorce process and beyond.
“Stop Worrying About Being Alone.”
*I don’t think I focused on worry about being alone, although I did feel as if I was alone. I agree with the author you can’t worry about being alone. My mom used to say worry does not help anything. She was right, although I do think worry can push us to realize our fears and help us move forward. I think you can become stuck in a worry mode and replay this worry over and over in your minds, and then it could become destructive. All that being said, I decided to try to enjoy my life living alone. I think it is a mindset that we can develop.
“Get a hobby or develop yours more.” *I do agree with her here. Developing some type of hobby is important. A hobby or some other healthy distraction can help us begin to recover. Initially, the problem for me was that I lost all interest in everything that used to bring me joy. I was too sad to cook, read, and practice photography, all things I did on nearly a daily basis before my husband left. I did begin to force myself to do what I used to love, and slowly over time, the joy I had found in those activities returned.
“Never say no to plans.” *For the most part, I agree with this. In the early days of what I call my nightmare, I kept as busy as I could. I would accept every invitation, I joined local Meetup groups, and I was active in my church. In doing all these activities, I found support, friendship, and distraction from the emotional pain. I would say “no” to some invitations that were outside of my comfort zone but everything else I responded to with an emphatic “yes.” Today all these years later, I still force myself out. I know I need to be around other people and enjoy new experiences. During the COVID lockdowns, I felt I regressed a bit, but I am back at it. I am in hiking groups, dinner groups, and whatever else I can find.
“Start having people over.” *This will be a challenge for me, but I know it would be healthy to start having people over. During Covid, this was a no-no, but now with the immunizations available, it is something I need to start thinking about. I met a couple of very nice ladies at a Meetup the other day who are also going through a divorce. Maybe I should have them over for wine.
Check out her post for her other tips. I thought this was an excellent article and that it can help others going through a divorce.
Don’t give up, even if it means taking baby steps. Slowly you will become whole again.