For this month, “My Thoughts on a Divorce Article,” I thought I would read “Divorce Tips We Think Will Help” that I found on site called Divorced Girl Smiling.
In this article, she lists 17 tips to help you get through a divorce. I will focus on three tips and how they related to my life situation.
#1-Stay out of court if at all possible.
I did go to court, and it saved my life financially. I would have had very little if I did not fight for it. It was a painful but necessary process, at least in my situation. I was tempted to sue for alienation of affection because that is an option in my state. The only thing that held me back was the cost. (I was approached by the spouse of a woman who wanted to sue my ex for alienation of affection. I told him he could have all of my PI information, use my attorney, and I would even testify, but he did not go through with it.)
I would say if you are secure financially and could live your life with little problems post-divorce that it would be great to avoid the legal system. Sadly this is not always possible.
#2- Be careful which lawyer you hire.
This tip is so essential to the outcome of your case. In the early days of my trauma, everyone said hire an attorney. I was in such emotional pain that the process of hiring an attorney seemed insurmountable.
I started asking everyone about attorneys. Then I started the interview process. The first attorney was inexpensive but said I should cut my losses and move on; in essence, she could not help me. One attorney wanted to charge over $700/hour. I knew that was an impossibility. As I continued to ask around, one name kept coming up in the conversations. I set up an interview with this specialized divorce attorney. She and her partners were my heroes during this awful process.
So, in my opinion, it is important to vet your potential attorney before you sign on the dotted line. You need someone to fight for you.
#3- Take Care of Yourself.
Taking care of yourself during the depression on an unwanted divorce is not as easy as it seems. It is hard to get out of bed, let alone take the time for self-care. She suggests eating healthy foods, exercise, and getting 8 hours of sleep each night. I did not eat well in the early days. I quickly went from a size 10 to a size 4. I had no appetite. Eight hours of sleep was impossible, considering I was curled into a tight ball crying into the wee hours of the night. The only thing I did in the early days of being thrown away was exercise. I continued to go to Zumba classes after work, and I walked and jogged with my dog daily.
I could not keep going on with the lack of eating and lack of sleep, so I did see a Dr., and I was prescribed sleeping pills and antidepressants. They helped tremendously. My friend had a quote I liked “better living through chemistry.” In my situation, I found this quote quite fitting.
Today I am off the antidepressants but still taking the sleeping pills.
I would add that you should hold tightly to your faith and your friends. I could not have done it without them.
If you are going though the pain of divorce. You will make it one tiny step at a time.
God Bless You on this Journey