Those of us who have been through or are going through a divorce know the pain it can cause in our lives. In some way, I think we understand each other, although the pain and length of recovery levels vary in each individual. With that in mind and considering we all have something in common, I thought I would start a book club, “The Divorce Recovery Book Club.” I will love it if you read the book with me.
I have found you can tell your story when you read others’ stories. You can write about how you feel about what you read and note how their story initiates an emotional response in you or brings up a memory of your personal story. You should journal the thoughts, emotions, memories, and prayers that come to your mind as you read. You may also come across ways to move forward that you can incorporate into your life. So, by all means, start a journal. I will put my journal entries in italics after the comments on the author’s story.
The Youtube Version:
Chicken Soup for the Soul/Divorce and Recovery
Chapters Two and Three
In both of these stories, the wife decides to leave the husband. In my case, it was the opposite, and most people I meet going through divorce have been abandoned by their husbands. This perspective is out of my usual line of thinking, so it will be good to stretch my mind as to this concept.
In chapter two, called Revelation, the author tells of her struggle to tell her husband she was leaving. Why did she want to go? It seems they had become distant. She describes it as “We exist as separate entities under one roof” She hoped somehow in telling him he would turn things around and that they would go to counseling and that she would not have to leave.
When she finally did tell him that she was moving out, she did not get the response from him she had hoped for. His response to her intention was, “that’s fine, do you want me to change the car tires first.” So, in essence, he did not care that she was leaving because she meant so little to him. Her response to his reaction was to laugh.
I do know that feeling. I was taken entirely for granted nearly our entire marriage. The only thing that seemed to matter was my husband’s goals. The only goal I held onto was that we could travel with the family when we retired. Well, he left before that could happen.
Even though I had the same feelings as the author, I never felt I should leave the marriage. I felt a strong commitment to stick to my promise to God, and I also had hope for our future. I now know things would not have changed regardless of my commitment. My Ex had little concern for me during our marriage and proved this again in his decision to leave.
In chapter 3, John E. Schlimm II shares a story about his friend. His friend Denise walked away from her marriage. She said she was walking away from a marriage that was no longer working. In walking away, she would be facing a life as a single mom in her forties and would, in doing so, lose the benefits of a financially secure marriage. She would lose her beautiful home.
It was worth it to her to leave, and in so doing, she thought she was doing a favor to all involved, even her Ex. She moved to a little pink house that used to be her grandmother’s. It needed much work, and she wondered if she had done the right thing by leaving her beautiful home. She soon was joined by friends and family. They fixed the house up and made it a beautiful place to live. She knew now that she was not alone and that she had love and friendship, and she would be happy with her new life.
I understand why she walked away. I lived like that for too long in my marriage. Even in that situation, I still wanted to hold firm on my promise to God, and I stayed. Was this the right decision for me? I do not know.
Denise was fortunate to have such a robust support system, which is a blessing. Sadly not everyone has this gift. I had little in the way of support from family. My parents had passed away several years before this happened. I would have loved to have had my mom to talk with. I did have support from a few from the church where my ex used to pastor, and that helped get them through. My primary support came from God. Without my faith, I would have been totally lost.
How do you feel about these two chapters? Can you relate to their stories?
I hope you are journaling as you go through this process. Here are a few journal prompts to get you started in expressing your thoughts.
*Did you leave the marriage, or did your spouse leave you? If you left, what was the reason, and if your spouse left, what do you think was their reason?
*In your experience, who walks out the most, men or women?
*In your opinion, what are good reasons for divorce?
*What or who was your most significant support when going through your divorce?
Please comment if you would like to share your thoughts.
God Bless You on Your Journey!