I am always reading articles on divorce. One of my favorite resources is Huff Post. I found an article titled “11 Good Pieces Of Advice For Anyone Who Has Ever Been Left” or as I call it…been thrown away. I will choose a few that I can relate to….
I like the initial quote in the article
“As anyone who has ever been broken up with knows, the feeling of abandonment can be crippling — but it is in those moments that we feel our lowest we must find the strength to go on.”
I am trying to think of a stronger word then crippling. Yes the devastation is crippling and in my case it was paralyzing. There is really no word to describe it.
Either way it is sad.
Their first suggestion that is so necessary is….
Find a support network.
“Find friends and get support”
Friends. Amazing friends. Thank God for my friends. I would not have survived without my friends. They came out of the woodwork to offer support. You may have to search them out and that is ok. My suggestion is to reach out to anyone you trust and share your pain. It’s ok to talk about it…you need to talk about it. They may not have the answers you are looking for but they will be there for you.
In the early days for me it was all about forcing myself out with friends. To a dinner where I cried with Melissa and told the waitress it was allergies. Cindy was always there to give me hope and strength and still is 3 years later. Gail who was going through the same pain was and is a great support. Joanie and Phil who prayed with me and cared for me. Kristin and Vanessa that would call and offer prayers and would give me many hugs. Many others were there briefly to get me through the painful beginning with cards, gifts, and phone calls. I could feel the love given to me by my Facebook friends. Thank you to all of them!
Reach out, don’t try to do this alone.
They suggest that we
“Believe in your own strength.”
That is good advice. From my perspective though I believed in a strength that could be accomplished through faith. I was able to add to my meager amounts of strength with the hope and encouragement found in God’s word.
Thank you God:-)
Take your time and realize there’s no “right way” to cope.
“Please just feel what you’re feeling and be honest about it. There is no right way to handle an event like that emotionally. You might be feeling some combination of remorse, sadness, relief, joy, anger, and another other emotion you could image.”
Everyone copes differently. From the folks I have spoken with I realize the pain is all encompassing and relatable. Its funny, some people who have not gone through this say “just get over it”.My prayer is that they don’t have to ever understand the pain because they never have to go through it. Give yourself a break and realize the healing comes in your own timing. You may need help to get through this process such as therapy and or meds but that is ok. You are not alone in using these outlets.
I like this one…
Yes you will! Just hold on and take one day at a time. Strive to find beauty in the pain. It may be hard to see in the beginning but it is there. It has been 3 years for me and I am surviving and I love my life.
Remember you are not alone on this road. There are many of us.
Also remember God’s promise…”I will never leave you or forsake you”
Divorce is hard and it takes a long time to work through all the feelings and emotions. Hang in there, it will get better over time.
Hey Mindy, thanks. It is getting better:-)